Pulled off at half-time

A small Saturday column in the Racing Post, a silly look at the week's sport, named after the alleged conversation between Rodney Marsh and Sir Alf Ramsey.

Alf: "Rodney, I'll be watching you for the first 45 minutes and if you don't work harder I'll pull you off at half-time"
Rodney: "Blimey Alf, all we usually get at City is tea and a slice of orange."

Anyway, it's hidden behind a pay-wall, so I'll share this week's with you as it made me smile over my toast this morning, and it's an attack on grumbling:

"I suppose it was inevitable the Commonwealth Games, one of the last vestiges of the British Empire should have turned into a festival of moaning. Moaning is among the most popular pursuits in Britain, along with whinging, complaining, grumbling and fly-fishing.

Several athletes have already pulled out of the Delhi games because of concerns about security and the state of the athletes' village. And, even more damagingly, the Russians, Americans and Chinese look set to boycott the Commonwealth Games yet again.

As an old India hand myself I can't help thinking that all these complaints about accommodation seem a bit precious. I've stayed in some pretty ropey digs on the subcontinent but life's what you make of it, you know?

If our high-maintenance hurdlers and prima donna pole-vaulters don't want to go to Delhi, let's send a team who will enjoy the experience - namely public-school educated gap-year kids.

They won't mind roughing it in the relay team with a couple of local beggars and some French hippie from the hostel who left his mind in Marrakesh in 1973.

'It's amazing here but the poverty is just unbelievable. You see those Nikes that Mungo Jossington-Smythe's wearing? They're not even limited edition. I know - I literally died of shock when I found out.' "

(James Milton)

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