Yep, Anne and I had our annual visit to the infantile morality play that is An Officer and a Gentleman last night, and it was as enjoyable as ever.
Debra Winger remains my favourite actress, even if she doesn't actually bother acting these day. As Pauline Kael puts it, "what she has, she has to her finger-tips".
.
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Saturday, 30 January 2010
The Betfair Forums
Betfair is not for everyone, Frankly, it's a shark-infested cesspit. Every hustler, insider, grifter and chancer pitting their cunning against pros who long ago were banned by bookies for being too good. All innocent sheep wandering in to have a dabble are soon sheared and savaged.
However, the forums are fantastic. For a start they are zinging - the football and racing forums have about 20 new threads a minute, admittedly mostly rubbish but at least it's alive. Also, if you can focus through the "noise", some of the most intelligent clued-up betters provide golden nuggets of information for free. (Yesterday a small posting enable me to back a horse at 50/1 that is now 16/1).
Each forum has a distinctive character. The racing forum is like a wild west saloon, the football one like a changing-room, the tennis one like trading floor, and the politics one will be the place to go for General Election madness.
My favourite though is the "specials" forum, which is more like a lounge bar, with an offbeat conversation about reality TV shows. This month I followed the threads on Celebrity Big Brother and managed to double my money without the chore of watching even one second of the show. Now that's a free tipping service I can get excited about.
.
However, the forums are fantastic. For a start they are zinging - the football and racing forums have about 20 new threads a minute, admittedly mostly rubbish but at least it's alive. Also, if you can focus through the "noise", some of the most intelligent clued-up betters provide golden nuggets of information for free. (Yesterday a small posting enable me to back a horse at 50/1 that is now 16/1).
Each forum has a distinctive character. The racing forum is like a wild west saloon, the football one like a changing-room, the tennis one like trading floor, and the politics one will be the place to go for General Election madness.
My favourite though is the "specials" forum, which is more like a lounge bar, with an offbeat conversation about reality TV shows. This month I followed the threads on Celebrity Big Brother and managed to double my money without the chore of watching even one second of the show. Now that's a free tipping service I can get excited about.
.
Friday, 29 January 2010
Apostrophes
Or apostrophe's if you're a sign-writer.
Overall I'm inclined to think life would probably be easier for everyone if we just did away with them. However, I couldn't help myself yesterday and corrected the chalkboard outside the Old Bell Inn, which was offering "great bargain's on our new menu's".
Walking on home with a Lynne Truss messiah complex, I then had a panic attack about not knowing what the plural of menu was, nor how to spell it.
This morning the sign looks a bit sad, with smudge marks where some jumped-up twat has been a meddling little pedant. If I'd had some chalk I'd have put them back in...
.
Overall I'm inclined to think life would probably be easier for everyone if we just did away with them. However, I couldn't help myself yesterday and corrected the chalkboard outside the Old Bell Inn, which was offering "great bargain's on our new menu's".
Walking on home with a Lynne Truss messiah complex, I then had a panic attack about not knowing what the plural of menu was, nor how to spell it.
This morning the sign looks a bit sad, with smudge marks where some jumped-up twat has been a meddling little pedant. If I'd had some chalk I'd have put them back in...
.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Chapstick
Now, I'm not a vain man (just as well I hear you cry), and my grooming products stretch to Head and Shoulders, Crest and Right Guard. If I was a professional footballer I wouldn't have anything to put into those little clutch bags they take on the coach with them.
Except a chapstick each winter, which I currently keep in my jeans pocket alongside my indigestion tablets, and which keeps my lips kissable all winter, which is important when you're such a sex symbol.
.
Except a chapstick each winter, which I currently keep in my jeans pocket alongside my indigestion tablets, and which keeps my lips kissable all winter, which is important when you're such a sex symbol.
.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Weekday afternoons at the cinema
I hadn't done this for a long time, and it was a real treat yesterday. Of course, at its best it should feel naughty. To do it properly you need to satisfy as many of these conditions as possible:
1. You should be skiving from work, or feel like you are (sickie, flexi even, or as I managed at Bristol a couple of times, when you're supposed to be in a meeting somewhere).
2. You should be on your own, and if at all possible the only person in the auditorium.
3. You should work your way through a king-sized bucket of salted popcorn
4. Most importantly, when you emerge post-film it should still be daylight.
However, I managed none of these yesterday and still enjoyed myself.
.
1. You should be skiving from work, or feel like you are (sickie, flexi even, or as I managed at Bristol a couple of times, when you're supposed to be in a meeting somewhere).
2. You should be on your own, and if at all possible the only person in the auditorium.
3. You should work your way through a king-sized bucket of salted popcorn
4. Most importantly, when you emerge post-film it should still be daylight.
However, I managed none of these yesterday and still enjoyed myself.
.
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Severn Valley Country Park
Disused mining area, reclaimed as a country park, in a beautiful valley, walk down to the Severn and meander along up to 6 miles in either direction, catch the walk-on ferry across the river at one end, or have tea overlooking the river the other, and wave at the steam trains as they tootle on by every half an hour or so. What's not to like?
Although not to everyone's taste. A seven year old kid at a picnic nearby us one Sunday had a hissy fit, screaming out "This is a rubbish holiday".
And nearby is my favourite sign - a proper metal road-sign saying:
"Hampton Loade
walk-on ferry only
(sat-nav error)"
Of course, Anne wanted me to entitle this one "in praise of steam trains". She really should have married Mick. Or her brother.
.
Although not to everyone's taste. A seven year old kid at a picnic nearby us one Sunday had a hissy fit, screaming out "This is a rubbish holiday".
And nearby is my favourite sign - a proper metal road-sign saying:
"Hampton Loade
walk-on ferry only
(sat-nav error)"
Of course, Anne wanted me to entitle this one "in praise of steam trains". She really should have married Mick. Or her brother.
.
Monday, 25 January 2010
Light and Bitter
When I used to serve the barrow boys of Peckham they either drank this or halves of Hofmeister.
I'm indebted to the pretty terrible Only Fools and Horses prequel last night for reminding me of this and of what a great drink light and bitter used to be. In the summer we used to switch to light and lager, which shouldn't work but did. Has anyone seen a bottle of Courage Light Ale in recent memory?
All together now:
"We've got some half-priced cracked ice
And miles and mile of carpet tiles,
TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs,
Pool games, gold chains and wossnames
And at a push some Trevor Francis tracksuits
From a mush in Shepherd's Bush..."
.
I'm indebted to the pretty terrible Only Fools and Horses prequel last night for reminding me of this and of what a great drink light and bitter used to be. In the summer we used to switch to light and lager, which shouldn't work but did. Has anyone seen a bottle of Courage Light Ale in recent memory?
All together now:
"We've got some half-priced cracked ice
And miles and mile of carpet tiles,
TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs,
Pool games, gold chains and wossnames
And at a push some Trevor Francis tracksuits
From a mush in Shepherd's Bush..."
.
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Granta
I think the first one I bought was Granta 9, and immediately went out and bought the previous eight, and now we're up to issue 109. 25 years is about 20 years more than I've subscribed to anything else and it still gives me a lift when it drops in the letterbox. Perfect for train journeys.
They also look fabulous on the bookshelf. Sadly, I lost the first 100 copies in the floods.
.
They also look fabulous on the bookshelf. Sadly, I lost the first 100 copies in the floods.
.
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Names that make me laugh when saying them out loud.
Americans are much better at this than us.
My favourite name when gambling was the golfer Brandell Chamblee. I always threw a tenner on him, just so I could go scrolling down the scorecard looking for his name before announcing him out loud to an imaginary crowd, in a stentorian cod yankee accent obviously. The only downside was that he was a quite terrible golfer and it cost me a fortune.
Anyway, the latest name Anne and I have enjoyed giggling over as we roll it round our mouth is the producer of "How I Met Your Mother". Step forward Stewart Halpern-Fingerhut.
My favourite name when gambling was the golfer Brandell Chamblee. I always threw a tenner on him, just so I could go scrolling down the scorecard looking for his name before announcing him out loud to an imaginary crowd, in a stentorian cod yankee accent obviously. The only downside was that he was a quite terrible golfer and it cost me a fortune.
Anyway, the latest name Anne and I have enjoyed giggling over as we roll it round our mouth is the producer of "How I Met Your Mother". Step forward Stewart Halpern-Fingerhut.
Friday, 22 January 2010
Seeing old University Friends
I was having pints and a pie with Tim Deacon, Mike Berry and Mark Schoen last night, and Mark was saying how he didn't enjoy his Lampeter years. He's said this before and I don't suppose he was alone but I still always assume everyone there found it as great as I did - a safe and warm environment in which to spend a three year pupation from teenager to adult.
And plenty of friends thirty years on.
.
And plenty of friends thirty years on.
.
Thursday, 21 January 2010
"Facts and figures" that made me stop and stare
Being a gambler, stats and data are bound to figure highly in my daily life, and obviously 84.6% of stats are made up on the spot, but I'm still a sucker for "facts and figures" that make me choke on my muesli, and there were two in yesterday's papers that made me stop and stare.
Apparently the UK accounts for 10% of the entire world spend on chocolate confectionery. Karin, do our nanny-state fat controllers know this - it seems a more compelling figure than 5 a fucking day?
The second set of figures come from the Tory party, so we'll be cautious - however I did see similar statistics last year. The number of students last year who were eligible for free school meals who got 3 As at A-level? 79. I'll repeat that. 79.
A quick internet search suggests c15% of kids are eligible for free school meals. Oh, and Eton alone had 175 pupils getting 3 As. Any New Labourite out there like to set the record straight? Education, education, edufuckingcation.
Be careful where you're born people.
.
Apparently the UK accounts for 10% of the entire world spend on chocolate confectionery. Karin, do our nanny-state fat controllers know this - it seems a more compelling figure than 5 a fucking day?
The second set of figures come from the Tory party, so we'll be cautious - however I did see similar statistics last year. The number of students last year who were eligible for free school meals who got 3 As at A-level? 79. I'll repeat that. 79.
A quick internet search suggests c15% of kids are eligible for free school meals. Oh, and Eton alone had 175 pupils getting 3 As. Any New Labourite out there like to set the record straight? Education, education, edufuckingcation.
Be careful where you're born people.
.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Everyone's Facebook photo sets.
Let's face it, apart from finding out that old friends are still alive, and apart from that bloke who stinks up the place with his "in praise ofs", there isn't much point to this site.
I've never been one for taking photos. Seems to me people should spend more time enjoying the moment rather than trying to capture it. However, I must admit I'm enjoying everyone's Xmas and New Year piccies. Sadly, most of you scrub up far too well, and I much prefer those who don't!
I particularly like that if one of you lot is tagged by a non-friend of mine I can look at all their photos as well. (This surely shouldn't be allowed to happen)
.
I've never been one for taking photos. Seems to me people should spend more time enjoying the moment rather than trying to capture it. However, I must admit I'm enjoying everyone's Xmas and New Year piccies. Sadly, most of you scrub up far too well, and I much prefer those who don't!
I particularly like that if one of you lot is tagged by a non-friend of mine I can look at all their photos as well. (This surely shouldn't be allowed to happen)
.
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
The goalkeepers in the African Nations Cup
There's so many brilliant goalkeepers in the Premiership these days, it's great to see a throwback to the days when the mighty Hedge used to strut around mid-Wales with his yellow shorts over his tracksuit bottoms and when no 'Saint and Greavesie' show was complete without a clip of a hapless Scottish keeper.
.
.
Monday, 18 January 2010
Being alive and in one piece.
I did an "in praise of people falling over" a while back. You know, the sort where it seems hard-wired in our brains to laugh. We happily spent most of Saturday proving this point, on the ice up the Wrekin, re-enacting Harold Lloyd sketches with even Bobby joining in.
There is that other sort of falling over though - the one where bystanders put their hands to their mouths, or scream even. I did one of those yesterday, falling down some rocks whilst descending Ashes Hollow - an old english header with somersault and pike. To everyone's surprise (most of all mine) I got up virtually unscathed and we managed to get off the Long Mynd without recourse to the Air Ambulance.
.
There is that other sort of falling over though - the one where bystanders put their hands to their mouths, or scream even. I did one of those yesterday, falling down some rocks whilst descending Ashes Hollow - an old english header with somersault and pike. To everyone's surprise (most of all mine) I got up virtually unscathed and we managed to get off the Long Mynd without recourse to the Air Ambulance.
.
Sunday, 17 January 2010
My Shower
I can't remember the last time I had a bath - over a decade ago - and yes feel free to insert own hygiene joke here.
But I do like a shower every morning, and our shower is particularly invigorating, unlike those in cheap hotels (and Anne's parents) where you spend fifteen minutes chasing a single bead of water round a bath whilst getting wrapped up in a grimy plastic curtain. It's also where I count my blessings every morning, and often where I settle on my "in praise of..." for the day.
Unfortunately, it's in the spare room and we have guests so I've just realised I should really add it to my list of blessings.
.
But I do like a shower every morning, and our shower is particularly invigorating, unlike those in cheap hotels (and Anne's parents) where you spend fifteen minutes chasing a single bead of water round a bath whilst getting wrapped up in a grimy plastic curtain. It's also where I count my blessings every morning, and often where I settle on my "in praise of..." for the day.
Unfortunately, it's in the spare room and we have guests so I've just realised I should really add it to my list of blessings.
.
Saturday, 16 January 2010
A radio DJ talking directly to me.
I was making breakfast yesterday morning and Barry Manilow's Copacabana came on the radio. By the time Lola was thirty years older and Tony long since gone I was giving it the full Carmen Miranda, with a particularly fine funk coming from my Nescafe jar maracas, when Chris Evans said:
"Air-bongos anyone?"
I don't care what you say about him, he has a gift for radio.
All together now:
"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair
And a dress cut down to there.
She would merengue and do the cha cha cha
And while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor;
They worked from 8 till 4."
.
"Air-bongos anyone?"
I don't care what you say about him, he has a gift for radio.
All together now:
"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair
And a dress cut down to there.
She would merengue and do the cha cha cha
And while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor;
They worked from 8 till 4."
.
Friday, 15 January 2010
Knowing lots of quotes fom my A-Level English Literature texts
Lucy Mangan recently said she read so many books that most of them just slip straight through leaving no trace. Now this speaks to me. Chaim Potok covered the theme brilliantly in one of his novels, but, as if to prove the point, I can't remember which one.
On Saturday I was talking to Tim Edwards about Life of Pi - one of the more memorable books I've read in years - and he mentioned a scene of which I have no recollection whatsoever.
Now, as most of you know, I didn't do very well with my A-levels. They were hard to combine with the onerous task of being a box-room rebel. I still sometimes put the English Civil War in the wrong century, and if I ever read about the Law of Marginal Utility I suddenly find myself doodling a picture in the margins of a disaffected youth saying "don't let the bastards grind you down."
However, English Lit was different. Sure, I quickly decided the way to go with Milton and Chaucer was Brodie's Notes, but was there ever a better text to study for an angry young man than Hamlet; was there ever better preparation for a wasted life than Saul Bellow's Henderson the Rain King; and was there ever a better play about hanging around staring at your shoes than Troilus and Cressida?
I know huge chunks of these texts off by heart, and have carried their petit-philosophies with me for more than thirty years, in fact it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say they have helped define my life - I should probably sue the examining board.
All of which is a self-indulgent way of saying that every morning this month, I've been preparing for the day with the following paraphrase
"Those scraps are good deeds past...Forgot as soon
As soon. Perseverance , dear my lord, keeps honour bright."
On Saturday I was talking to Tim Edwards about Life of Pi - one of the more memorable books I've read in years - and he mentioned a scene of which I have no recollection whatsoever.
Now, as most of you know, I didn't do very well with my A-levels. They were hard to combine with the onerous task of being a box-room rebel. I still sometimes put the English Civil War in the wrong century, and if I ever read about the Law of Marginal Utility I suddenly find myself doodling a picture in the margins of a disaffected youth saying "don't let the bastards grind you down."
However, English Lit was different. Sure, I quickly decided the way to go with Milton and Chaucer was Brodie's Notes, but was there ever a better text to study for an angry young man than Hamlet; was there ever better preparation for a wasted life than Saul Bellow's Henderson the Rain King; and was there ever a better play about hanging around staring at your shoes than Troilus and Cressida?
I know huge chunks of these texts off by heart, and have carried their petit-philosophies with me for more than thirty years, in fact it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say they have helped define my life - I should probably sue the examining board.
All of which is a self-indulgent way of saying that every morning this month, I've been preparing for the day with the following paraphrase
"Those scraps are good deeds past...Forgot as soon
As soon. Perseverance , dear my lord, keeps honour bright."
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Snow Watch
I realise that those of you with corporate lives have had enough of all this - Anne took 3 hours to drive to work yesterday - before turning round and coming home again.
But, being in the slow lane, I'm still making the most of what will probably be a once in a lifetime experience. Yesterday King Charles Wood was impossibly beautiful - the sort of scene that had it been on a Christmas card or calendar I'd have dismissed immediately as victorian whimsey and gone and got me gun.
Still, that's all repeats really - what I'm praising is the programme cobbled together last night by the Springwatch/Autumnwatch team. In one hour they managed to answer most of the questions I've been asking myself - now that's public service broadcasting.
1. Why there's been a lone fieldfare in my front garden for the last three days.
2. That those strange scrapings I'd been seeing were actually the wing tips of pheasants touching the snow as they took off.
3. The difference between rabbit and hare tracks.
4. That the swans I've been seeing flying in formation for the last week or so are actually geese!
5. That it was a dead stoat we saw frozen in a field on Sunday not a weasel.
No mention of woozles, sadly...
.
But, being in the slow lane, I'm still making the most of what will probably be a once in a lifetime experience. Yesterday King Charles Wood was impossibly beautiful - the sort of scene that had it been on a Christmas card or calendar I'd have dismissed immediately as victorian whimsey and gone and got me gun.
Still, that's all repeats really - what I'm praising is the programme cobbled together last night by the Springwatch/Autumnwatch team. In one hour they managed to answer most of the questions I've been asking myself - now that's public service broadcasting.
1. Why there's been a lone fieldfare in my front garden for the last three days.
2. That those strange scrapings I'd been seeing were actually the wing tips of pheasants touching the snow as they took off.
3. The difference between rabbit and hare tracks.
4. That the swans I've been seeing flying in formation for the last week or so are actually geese!
5. That it was a dead stoat we saw frozen in a field on Sunday not a weasel.
No mention of woozles, sadly...
.
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Car-seat Heaters
I'm indebted to a Facebook comment of Karin's praising her own car-seat heaters. Because Anne and I had totally and utterly forgotten that our car had them - it is a Skoda after all.
I jacked it up to full the other day and thawed out nicely, indeed my nether areas were so warm it was almost as though I had pissed in my wet-suit.
.
I jacked it up to full the other day and thawed out nicely, indeed my nether areas were so warm it was almost as though I had pissed in my wet-suit.
.
Nurse Jackie
Really enjoying this so far. Black humour, half hour long, no canned laughter - three immediate ticks from me. I'm even getting used to her hair.
A nice toast to your own impending death: "Fuck you and here's to me."
.
A nice toast to your own impending death: "Fuck you and here's to me."
.
Belly Pork
Roast with crackling, or Chinese barbecue style, or the crispy special at the Fung Shing. I'm a cheap date.
.
.
Natural Born Actors
(For Sir Richard Curtis Who Doesn't Deserve This)
What is the problem with dear old Hugh Grant?
I say he can act and you say he can't.
We have this debate at least fortnightly,
Then you turn your guns on Keira Knightley.
.
What is the problem with dear old Hugh Grant?
I say he can act and you say he can't.
We have this debate at least fortnightly,
Then you turn your guns on Keira Knightley.
.
An extra-thick fleece I bought in Maine (9th Jan 2010)
I was thinking of praising "Nurse Jackie", or even the "History of Now" but then I found this fleece in the back of my wardrobe which I've never worn because it makes me look fatter than a fat, fat, fat man, but now I'm all toasty and won't have to chop up Anne for firewood.
.
.
Phil Taylor (8th Jan 2010)
Whilst the BBC continue to pretend they are staging the world darts championship (some of these players aren't even averaging 90 - sheesh), and doing it terribly t'boot, here's belated homage to Phil "The Power" Taylor, 15 times world champion, virtually undefeated in 24 months, and every punters' best friend. Now that Tiger's hiding under his rank and enseamed duvet, Taylor is the only sportsman left that doth bestride his sport as a colossus.
It's been fun, profitable and virtually stress-free watching his odds drop tournament by tournament over the last couple of years from roughly 2.5 to 1.4, (us gamblers have gone decimal now don'cha know) which still isn't short enough.
.
It's been fun, profitable and virtually stress-free watching his odds drop tournament by tournament over the last couple of years from roughly 2.5 to 1.4, (us gamblers have gone decimal now don'cha know) which still isn't short enough.
.
Wall-to-wall sport (7th Jan 2010)
When I moved to Seattle in 1983 Tim used to cut out the football results from the Sunday papers and send them to me. I'd receive them about 10 days later. Look how the world has shrunk since.
With the country paralysed by a light layering of snow I could be sat here twiddling my thumbs - or as it's otherwise known in our house these days, saving money - but actually there's cricket and golf from South Africa this morning, tennis from Brisbane this morning and Dohar this afternoon, and darts from, er, Frimley this evening.
.
With the country paralysed by a light layering of snow I could be sat here twiddling my thumbs - or as it's otherwise known in our house these days, saving money - but actually there's cricket and golf from South Africa this morning, tennis from Brisbane this morning and Dohar this afternoon, and darts from, er, Frimley this evening.
.
Not Commuting
I love the feel and sound of walking on fresh snow - most satisfying - and surprisingly this is the first appreciable snowfall we've had here this winter. I have a Pooh Bear-like fascination with paw-marks, and share his expertise. I've already tracked down a fox, two Woozles and a Wizzle.
May even make a snowman later. Can you smell carrots?
.
May even make a snowman later. Can you smell carrots?
.
Giving-up Soaps (5th Jan 2010)
As opposed to giving up soap, obviously.
Two things I know about new year's resolutions.
1. I'm surprisingly good at them. For a fat, alcoholic, gambler anyway. The biggest success we've had was when we decided to give up watching soaps some 10 years ago. I've never seen an episode of Coronation Street or East Enders since and my life is much the better for it.
2. One mistake people make is to start on January 1st. Hopeless. Nope - today is the day to start - the first Tuesday back at work.
Go to it.
.
Two things I know about new year's resolutions.
1. I'm surprisingly good at them. For a fat, alcoholic, gambler anyway. The biggest success we've had was when we decided to give up watching soaps some 10 years ago. I've never seen an episode of Coronation Street or East Enders since and my life is much the better for it.
2. One mistake people make is to start on January 1st. Hopeless. Nope - today is the day to start - the first Tuesday back at work.
Go to it.
.
Elaine Paige's laugh
I was going to wax lyrical about the walk up Batch Valley onto the Long Mynd in the snow but I've already done a load of paeans to the Shropshire Hills.
When driving home from such walks we often catch a few minutes of Elaine Paige's smorgasbord of show-tunes on Radio 2. Not because she is any way an accomplished presenter, nor because her guests are interesting, nor indeed because half the songs are the least bit good.
No, we climb on-board her hot, pink-sequinned, high-stepping, chorus-line of love because her laugh is one one of the wonders of the western world. Really.
.
When driving home from such walks we often catch a few minutes of Elaine Paige's smorgasbord of show-tunes on Radio 2. Not because she is any way an accomplished presenter, nor because her guests are interesting, nor indeed because half the songs are the least bit good.
No, we climb on-board her hot, pink-sequinned, high-stepping, chorus-line of love because her laugh is one one of the wonders of the western world. Really.
.
Doctor Who (3rd Jan 2010)
So, a fond farewell to Russell T Davies and David Tennant and thanks for all the fish. The series never peaked again after the series with Sarah-Jane's episode, Rose Tyler's departure, and "Blink" but that was a fitting timey-wimey wibbly-wobbly, grand pyrotechnic, John Simm-tastic finale.
.
.
Gambling
I was introducing my 7 year old nephew to the delights of gambling yesterday - or - judging by the looks of two people present - introducing him to satan himself.
Still I don't think they need worry. despite him turning nothing into £2 profit (which is more than I managed last year!) he seemed more pre-occupied with the two races he lost than the one he won. To paraphrase Clement Freud, you won't be a great gambler if you hate losing more than you like winning.
Next Xmas - poker...
Still I don't think they need worry. despite him turning nothing into £2 profit (which is more than I managed last year!) he seemed more pre-occupied with the two races he lost than the one he won. To paraphrase Clement Freud, you won't be a great gambler if you hate losing more than you like winning.
Next Xmas - poker...
Chinese Lanterns (1st Jan 2010)
What better way to see in the new year than with friends in a field, releasing 20 multi-coloured lanterns back into the wild. Like little mini-space stations bound for galaxies far away. Well, Kemberton
.
.
Peeing al fresco
Always been more pleasurable than indoors. Currently, on daily walks (a lot in the cold weather); with Bobby late at night under the stars (helps him concentrate on the matter in hand), in the mole-hills in winter (helps make them go next door), and in the compost bin in summer (not sure it helps at all really, but I like the steam)..
But also when drunk and desperate - a particular bush I favoured in Reigate; round the back of the Dalis Bar; behind Nunhead cemetery or near the pond in Peckham Rye; Castle Park Bristol was a good pit-stop prior to seconds at Lawrence Hill roundabout; and latterly on the lawn of the Navy cadets in Tooting Graveney.
And, of course, in the sea. In your wet-suit.
Where do you like to pee?
.
But also when drunk and desperate - a particular bush I favoured in Reigate; round the back of the Dalis Bar; behind Nunhead cemetery or near the pond in Peckham Rye; Castle Park Bristol was a good pit-stop prior to seconds at Lawrence Hill roundabout; and latterly on the lawn of the Navy cadets in Tooting Graveney.
And, of course, in the sea. In your wet-suit.
Where do you like to pee?
.
Next door's mole-hills
We like our neighbours so forgive us. But when we pulled the curtains one morning and saw a huge mole-hill in the middle of their lawn we couldn't help but laugh - a medium-sized chuckle at least. Not least because it meant said mole was no longer popping up in my leek bed.
But over the last week or so our mirth has multiplied from titter to guffaw to helpless giggle as mister mole has been getting the christmas overtime in. Mid-chortle this morning I counted 23 mole-hills on their modest ex-lawn.
.
But over the last week or so our mirth has multiplied from titter to guffaw to helpless giggle as mister mole has been getting the christmas overtime in. Mid-chortle this morning I counted 23 mole-hills on their modest ex-lawn.
.
Panettone 'bread and butter' Pudding
I've deliberated, cogitated and digested and that was the single best thing I've eaten this festive period.
(Bobby voted for a semi-fredo horse pooh popsicle.)
.
(Bobby voted for a semi-fredo horse pooh popsicle.)
.
The Wrekin
(For Southerners - the Wrekin is the Leith Hill of Shropshire, a bit higher and with better views, and is where Telford folk go for a walk - up to the top - turn round - go back down again).
The perfect Xmas bloat/hangover cure...
.
The perfect Xmas bloat/hangover cure...
.
Kauto Star (27th Dec 2009)
Having already done an 'in praise of' Denman I feel obliged to award Kauto the festive honour. That was an extraordinary run yesterday and us racing fans are truly privileged at the moment to have such treasures.
.
.
Anthony Gormley's Another Place (26th Dec 2009)
Occasionally, we've spent Christmas Day away from 'family', and in some pretty interesting places. Yesterday we added Crosby Beach to the list.
A cold but bright sunny day, Anne, Bobby, pork pies and a thermos, and 100 statues looking out to sea. Terrific.
.
A cold but bright sunny day, Anne, Bobby, pork pies and a thermos, and 100 statues looking out to sea. Terrific.
.
The Good Life (25th Dec 2009)
Christmas special 1977. TV Perfection.
Wishing you all as good a day...
.
Wishing you all as good a day...
.
Chopping a log
Not chopping logs generally, which is a bit of a chore to be honest.
It might be different of course if I could manage a passable homo-erotic pose, rippling torso, axe glinting in the sun, sweat on the brow, like a proper Hollywood cowboy, or a diet coke advert or even Robbie Williams in that Fast show
sketch. But the way I do it is more like Oliver Hardy meets Lee Evans by way of much puffing about nothing, axe firmly embedded halfway down the log, and me on the floor with puzzled dog licking my face.
However, yesterday at 3:20 precisely, for the first time ever the axe flew true and hard and split a log perfectly in two in one deeply satisfying money-shot blow. A proper man at last, Woof.
.
It might be different of course if I could manage a passable homo-erotic pose, rippling torso, axe glinting in the sun, sweat on the brow, like a proper Hollywood cowboy, or a diet coke advert or even Robbie Williams in that Fast show
sketch. But the way I do it is more like Oliver Hardy meets Lee Evans by way of much puffing about nothing, axe firmly embedded halfway down the log, and me on the floor with puzzled dog licking my face.
However, yesterday at 3:20 precisely, for the first time ever the axe flew true and hard and split a log perfectly in two in one deeply satisfying money-shot blow. A proper man at last, Woof.
.
The Shifnal Deli (23rd Dec 2009)
Which had 3 owners in the first year we were here, not helped by the fact the shop is tiny and tucked away off the main street, nor that the people of Shifnal probably aren't ready for a proper deli.
However the latest owner has lasted a year and has built up a thriving lunchtime sandwich/buffet business and is gradually getting there. This week she even had a ripe brie weeping on the counter, and some fabulous homemade Xmas tree shaped shortbread jammy dodgers which I bought for my nephew but polished off with an afternoon coffee instead .
The praise though, and this comes as a bit of a surprise to someone who prefers city anonymity to village pleasantries, is that I always come out of the shop in a better mood than when I went in.
.
However the latest owner has lasted a year and has built up a thriving lunchtime sandwich/buffet business and is gradually getting there. This week she even had a ripe brie weeping on the counter, and some fabulous homemade Xmas tree shaped shortbread jammy dodgers which I bought for my nephew but polished off with an afternoon coffee instead .
The praise though, and this comes as a bit of a surprise to someone who prefers city anonymity to village pleasantries, is that I always come out of the shop in a better mood than when I went in.
.
Heron
Along the riverbank yesterday, a thick frost covering the meadow and and a heron coming into view slowly through the mist, stood alert fishing.
This is about the only bird Bobby doesn't chase, mainly because even at ten paces away he just doesn't see him. Movement seems much more important to him than smell. The heron has seem him and me of course, but we're more irritant than threat.
He treats us to a loping take-off and glide and settles down again a hundred yards further on, and the pattern continues along the river until Evelith Manor where he diverts to their lake for some peace, quiet and sticklebacks, if he can crack the ice at least ...
.
This is about the only bird Bobby doesn't chase, mainly because even at ten paces away he just doesn't see him. Movement seems much more important to him than smell. The heron has seem him and me of course, but we're more irritant than threat.
He treats us to a loping take-off and glide and settles down again a hundred yards further on, and the pattern continues along the river until Evelith Manor where he diverts to their lake for some peace, quiet and sticklebacks, if he can crack the ice at least ...
.
James May (21st Dec 2009)
Almost a repeat I know, and a ridiculous one at that, I can't stand the bloke. Still, he did rather dominate TV last night.
1. His Toys series was terrific. A full-size lego house made from 3 million bricks was ample follow-up to his meccano and scalextric masterpieces. Anne tells me it's been dismantled due to some bureaucratic nonsense and I was left wondering how much it would be worth if Damien Hirst or Rachel Whiteread had made it.
2. Then he got back to his usual job, being the bullied one on Top Gear. I'm a big fan of Top Gear, and I say this as a non-driver, but my prediction is it'll become outdated pretty quickly under a Conservative government - there'll be enough Tory fuckwits running around making twats of themselves to make us look at these three in a less indulgent light.
3. Best of all he massively improved a programme last night by his absence. Oz Clarke's drinking-himself-to-death-roadshow was much more entertaining with the ever-amenable Hugh Dennis than it would have been with the usual Captain Slow grumping about the place.
Finally, I can pass on a top tip to all those who missed the show - your Christmas morning Buck's Fizz (good orange juice, cheap bubbly) will be doubly scrumptious if you add a shot of Cointreau, with the added bonus that you'll be comatose by midday.
.
1. His Toys series was terrific. A full-size lego house made from 3 million bricks was ample follow-up to his meccano and scalextric masterpieces. Anne tells me it's been dismantled due to some bureaucratic nonsense and I was left wondering how much it would be worth if Damien Hirst or Rachel Whiteread had made it.
2. Then he got back to his usual job, being the bullied one on Top Gear. I'm a big fan of Top Gear, and I say this as a non-driver, but my prediction is it'll become outdated pretty quickly under a Conservative government - there'll be enough Tory fuckwits running around making twats of themselves to make us look at these three in a less indulgent light.
3. Best of all he massively improved a programme last night by his absence. Oz Clarke's drinking-himself-to-death-roadshow was much more entertaining with the ever-amenable Hugh Dennis than it would have been with the usual Captain Slow grumping about the place.
Finally, I can pass on a top tip to all those who missed the show - your Christmas morning Buck's Fizz (good orange juice, cheap bubbly) will be doubly scrumptious if you add a shot of Cointreau, with the added bonus that you'll be comatose by midday.
.
Ola Jordan (Strictly Come Dancing)
Unlike "Shropshire's worst farmer", who royally entertained me one entire dinner-party with his fantasy marriage to her, this is not a five-knuckle shuffle-note to the table-top whirling dervish that is Ola.
When she first joined the show, Ola danced entirely for herself, and women took an instant dislike to her, which multiplied exponentially with each husband's lurid aside and dribble. But this series she has done a bang-on, top-notch, Polish pukka job turning John Hollins's son into a passable imitation of a mincing hoofer.
Those of us who hitched a ride aboard this great pink sequinned campervan of love have now paid for Christmas and I'll probably even win back-to-back betleagues later this afternoon.
Ola, our nation's manhood salutes you.
.
When she first joined the show, Ola danced entirely for herself, and women took an instant dislike to her, which multiplied exponentially with each husband's lurid aside and dribble. But this series she has done a bang-on, top-notch, Polish pukka job turning John Hollins's son into a passable imitation of a mincing hoofer.
Those of us who hitched a ride aboard this great pink sequinned campervan of love have now paid for Christmas and I'll probably even win back-to-back betleagues later this afternoon.
Ola, our nation's manhood salutes you.
.
Heston Blumenthal
Ok, so it was a slow day, but I can think of three reasons.
1. His Christmas specials are terrific (though this was the weakest of the three). A bunch of self-regarding celebrities (a tautology, surely) turn up hoping to grab some limelight and are slowly rendered speechless by the feast.
2. Within a few years all foodies will have a vacuum packer and bath for the slow-cooking of all meat, and will scoff at anyone doing it the old-fashioned way. I predict they'll be the taramasalata of the 2010s.
3. Anne hates him. In fact she even wrote to the Guardian to complain about his articles. So, having to put up with all manner of shite cookery programmes (Geezer and Chumps; Nigel surely too boring to be gay Slater; Nigella Fellates; Two Geordie Twats; and Saturday Fucking Kitchen, just for starters, lunch and dinner), it gives me great pleasure to watch one that has her huffing and puffing with dismay besides me.
.
1. His Christmas specials are terrific (though this was the weakest of the three). A bunch of self-regarding celebrities (a tautology, surely) turn up hoping to grab some limelight and are slowly rendered speechless by the feast.
2. Within a few years all foodies will have a vacuum packer and bath for the slow-cooking of all meat, and will scoff at anyone doing it the old-fashioned way. I predict they'll be the taramasalata of the 2010s.
3. Anne hates him. In fact she even wrote to the Guardian to complain about his articles. So, having to put up with all manner of shite cookery programmes (Geezer and Chumps; Nigel surely too boring to be gay Slater; Nigella Fellates; Two Geordie Twats; and Saturday Fucking Kitchen, just for starters, lunch and dinner), it gives me great pleasure to watch one that has her huffing and puffing with dismay besides me.
.
Orion (18th Dec 2009)
Everything I know about the night sky (and indeed much else in life) came from a Ladybird book, and I spend most of my time looking at the stars much like my dog looks at me when I'm speaking to him - with awe, but in total bafflement.
Constellations are random join the dots as far as I'm concerned and give me any night sky and I can show you six or seven Ploughs.
However, right now, Orion is smack in the middle of the sky and even I can't miss it. And just for a second I'm like Anne and Judy out walking, revelling in my ability to name the hills all around - but less wrongly in this case...
.
Constellations are random join the dots as far as I'm concerned and give me any night sky and I can show you six or seven Ploughs.
However, right now, Orion is smack in the middle of the sky and even I can't miss it. And just for a second I'm like Anne and Judy out walking, revelling in my ability to name the hills all around - but less wrongly in this case...
.
The Guardian's Country Diary - Wenlock Edge
I've always read these, mainly because they're adjacent to the crossword, and in particular I used to enjoy a sliver of rural life seeping into my Tooting kitchen of a morning. Three reasons for this praise though.
1. The Wenlock Edge entries have always been my favoruite.
2. His description here puts yesterday's attempts to wax lyrical about hedgerows completely to shame!
3. I think he saw exactly the same flock of ravens as I saw a few days ago, doing that starling thing. Before I read his piece I thought they were probably rooks, and was actually going to do an in praise of them...
.
1. The Wenlock Edge entries have always been my favoruite.
2. His description here puts yesterday's attempts to wax lyrical about hedgerows completely to shame!
3. I think he saw exactly the same flock of ravens as I saw a few days ago, doing that starling thing. Before I read his piece I thought they were probably rooks, and was actually going to do an in praise of them...
.
Hedges
My hedge-jumping days may be long since gone, but I've always retained a fondness for the good old hedge.
There's a particularly fine example nearby. The driveway to Hinnington Grange is about 400 yards long, and has two wonderfully kept hedges either side. They are 6 foot tall, a couple of foot deep and beautifully cut square and flat. They're beech or hornbeam or something similar (I'm no expert plainly!) and at the moment are wearing a brilliant coat of dead orange-brown leaves. There's a tree planted in the middle of each hedge at 20 yard intervals to complete the ensemble. Anish Kapoor eat your heart out.
.
There's a particularly fine example nearby. The driveway to Hinnington Grange is about 400 yards long, and has two wonderfully kept hedges either side. They are 6 foot tall, a couple of foot deep and beautifully cut square and flat. They're beech or hornbeam or something similar (I'm no expert plainly!) and at the moment are wearing a brilliant coat of dead orange-brown leaves. There's a tree planted in the middle of each hedge at 20 yard intervals to complete the ensemble. Anish Kapoor eat your heart out.
.
The Kastoori - Tooting (15th Dec 2009)
A bit of a moan this one to be honest. If there's one thing Shropshire doesn't do it's a half-decent curry. The three in Shifnal are hopeless, and the places good-minded Salopians recommend to me are uniformly moderate also, which means either these people are taking the piss out of the grumpy southerner, or they've never actually had a decent curry.
Having had an execrable chicken dupiaza in a Shrewsbury Indian (which should of course be called the Origin of Spices, but isn't) I favour the latter explanation because said restaurant was packed to the gunnels. Waiting in the street to get in. This place was worse than the one round the back of Borough market that you have to have had at least 8 pints of Pride to dare enter. The place that scrapes the rotting veg off the back of the barrows and fries it up with rat entrails and tomato ketchup for a tikka balti surprise.
So, anyone who still can, get down to Tooting whenever possible - Sree Krishna, Mirch Masala, Jaffna House, Lahore Karahi and of course the Kastoori. And order a tomato curry, a green banana curry and some puffy bread for me please...
.
Having had an execrable chicken dupiaza in a Shrewsbury Indian (which should of course be called the Origin of Spices, but isn't) I favour the latter explanation because said restaurant was packed to the gunnels. Waiting in the street to get in. This place was worse than the one round the back of Borough market that you have to have had at least 8 pints of Pride to dare enter. The place that scrapes the rotting veg off the back of the barrows and fries it up with rat entrails and tomato ketchup for a tikka balti surprise.
So, anyone who still can, get down to Tooting whenever possible - Sree Krishna, Mirch Masala, Jaffna House, Lahore Karahi and of course the Kastoori. And order a tomato curry, a green banana curry and some puffy bread for me please...
.
Severiano Ballesteros
Not least for the second greatest victory celebration ever, when he won at St Andrews in 1984...
(The greatest victory celebration ever is, of course, Marco Tardelli - after scoring the winner in the 1982 World Cup final...)
.
(The greatest victory celebration ever is, of course, Marco Tardelli - after scoring the winner in the 1982 World Cup final...)
.
The Betleague (13th Dec 2009)
A few friends (including Mike, Slim and Iain from on here) battle against each other in a betting competition, using real money and with a nice prize and much kudos at stake. Each league lasts about 13 weeks and it's interesting watching each person's gambling style. Some like to back just favourites, some only like long-shots; some bet carefully, ekeing out their money, and some go gung-ho, shoving their money "all-in" at the slightest opportunity. Some like to come up with complicated accumulators and some just put a fiver down on pretty much the same bet each week.
The rules are quite clever in that they seem to reward skill and luck equally, and there's a nice mix of being pleased when people do well and schadenfreude when they crash and burn.
Oh, did I mention I just leapt from last place to first with one week to go...
.
The rules are quite clever in that they seem to reward skill and luck equally, and there's a nice mix of being pleased when people do well and schadenfreude when they crash and burn.
Oh, did I mention I just leapt from last place to first with one week to go...
.
Drunkenly singing along to the soundtracks of your life
When I first went to America (1981) for the summer to get to know my dad, I was staying in the basement and frankly found the room rather scary (particularly after watching Friday the 13th on cable one night) and I purloined his copy of Bob Dylan's More Greatest Hits for the duration of my stay and used it to send me to sleep.
A couple of years later in Seattle I was getting progressively more pissed and stoned with my dad and Dylan was singing;
"I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." and my dad said how it had taken him his whole life up to that point to properly understand that lyric, and that I could scorn all I like but I was too young to get it (even though Dylan must have been about my age when he wrote it).
Then we fought about god knows what, a fortnight later I flew home, and two years later he was dead.
Last night I was singing along to the same soundtrack, in that self-indulgent drunken way I often do when Anne's away, (though since I gave up the brandy at least I've stopped moving on to Neil Diamond), and the same song came on, and it was as though I was hearing it for the first time and I realised not only that my dad had been right, but that I'm the same age now as he was then.
On the other hand I also discovered Bobby hates Dylan even more than Anne does, especially when I whistle...
.
A couple of years later in Seattle I was getting progressively more pissed and stoned with my dad and Dylan was singing;
"I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." and my dad said how it had taken him his whole life up to that point to properly understand that lyric, and that I could scorn all I like but I was too young to get it (even though Dylan must have been about my age when he wrote it).
Then we fought about god knows what, a fortnight later I flew home, and two years later he was dead.
Last night I was singing along to the same soundtrack, in that self-indulgent drunken way I often do when Anne's away, (though since I gave up the brandy at least I've stopped moving on to Neil Diamond), and the same song came on, and it was as though I was hearing it for the first time and I realised not only that my dad had been right, but that I'm the same age now as he was then.
On the other hand I also discovered Bobby hates Dylan even more than Anne does, especially when I whistle...
.
Tarrango red wine
I estimate I've drunk around 9000 bottles of cheap red wine over the years which surely confers some authority, and this cheeky little bottle of chemicals is the one that's stuck with me the longest.
Of course, I've always been blessed with a terrible and hence cheap palate, so if you're the sort of person who is laying down a mini-cellar under your stairs, or prattles on about terroir with your vintner, or even serves wine in goldfish bowl glasses (as one Yorkshireman did for me only the other day - what the fuck is going on), then plainly you need to move on, nothing to see here.
But if you like cheap plonk that slips down nicely; like light fruity red wines that are as happy being served chilled as warm; and don't mind buying wine that is mass-produced in giant stainless steel tubs half the size of New South Wales then this could be for you.
In essence, it's ribena for grown-ups. And will go brilliantly with turkey. Brown Brothers Tarrango, sold everywhere, from £3.99 to £6.99...chin, chin.
.
Of course, I've always been blessed with a terrible and hence cheap palate, so if you're the sort of person who is laying down a mini-cellar under your stairs, or prattles on about terroir with your vintner, or even serves wine in goldfish bowl glasses (as one Yorkshireman did for me only the other day - what the fuck is going on), then plainly you need to move on, nothing to see here.
But if you like cheap plonk that slips down nicely; like light fruity red wines that are as happy being served chilled as warm; and don't mind buying wine that is mass-produced in giant stainless steel tubs half the size of New South Wales then this could be for you.
In essence, it's ribena for grown-ups. And will go brilliantly with turkey. Brown Brothers Tarrango, sold everywhere, from £3.99 to £6.99...chin, chin.
.
Paul Scholes (10th Dec 2009)
In a week when Owen gets a hat-trick and Ryan Giggs looks increasingly likely to win Sports Personality it was heart-warming to watch 'little Paul Scholesey' put on a master-class Tuesday night.
Unquestionably my favourite footballer of the last decade...
.
Unquestionably my favourite footballer of the last decade...
.
Wood-burning Stoves (9th Dec 2009)
As a child I remember cold afternoons sat in front of the open fire with me nan, probably eating an orange and watching a Llanelli back-line dismantle another of the home nations.
I may have moved on to the less beautiful but more functional wood-burning stove but it remains the perfect complement to hibernation.
"In the little dark engine room,
Where the chill seeps in your soul,
How we huddled round that little pot stove
That burns oily rags and coal."
(A Brucie bonus to anyone that gets that one...)
.
I may have moved on to the less beautiful but more functional wood-burning stove but it remains the perfect complement to hibernation.
"In the little dark engine room,
Where the chill seeps in your soul,
How we huddled round that little pot stove
That burns oily rags and coal."
(A Brucie bonus to anyone that gets that one...)
.
Pootling
We drove to Darlington (motorways - functional - 3 hours).
We pootled back: Richmond to Leyburn down Wharfedale to Keighley to Halifax to Huddersfield to Glossop through Peaks to Buxton (nice) to Leek to Stone to Eccleshall to Home.
Thirty miles shorter, 3 hours longer.
.
We pootled back: Richmond to Leyburn down Wharfedale to Keighley to Halifax to Huddersfield to Glossop through Peaks to Buxton (nice) to Leek to Stone to Eccleshall to Home.
Thirty miles shorter, 3 hours longer.
.
Toposcopes (7th Dec 2009)
(Those things on top of many hills that act as virtual viewfinders, pointing to all the places of interest along with distances).
What I really like about them is how, when we've reached the top of a hill Anne points to all the hills around and kindly names them for me. I then go and look at the toposcope and can point out that she was almost entirely mistaken.
It's a shame you don't get them in the Lakes because I'm sure we could play the same game with her sister....
.
What I really like about them is how, when we've reached the top of a hill Anne points to all the hills around and kindly names them for me. I then go and look at the toposcope and can point out that she was almost entirely mistaken.
It's a shame you don't get them in the Lakes because I'm sure we could play the same game with her sister....
.
Ruby Walsh (6th Dec 2009)
It's hard to compare jockeys to other sportsmen as they are so beholden to the horses under them, but I honestly believe him to be one of the finest sportsmen I've ever seen, and the last few Saturdays it's been a privilege to have seen him at his imperious best.
.
.
Living under a big sky
Not something you can do in London, and I watched an entire weather front inching its way across the sky on my walk yesterday...
.
.
A Few Good Men
Well, four actually, and two of them women. But boy do we need them on our front-line, standing firm. Sir Harry Pearce; the brilliant Ruth Evershed (first seen undercover singing "I can't live without you" at a typically foppish wedding of the era); Ros Myers (recruited from a loveless marriage to Robert Bathurst); plus the frankly rubbish bloke with the bad tattoos pretending to be a passable stand-in for Rupert Penry- Jones or Matthew McFadyen). I exclude Tariq because, let's face it, his name alone is a sleeper cell waiting to be written.
Our nation salutes you.
And let's spend a few seconds paying our respects to those who have already laid down their careers in our service (even if a couple did go rogue when ratings were flagging and we needed a convoluted plot-twist double-header guessing who hadn't finished haggling about their next contract)
Lisa Faulkner (who set the template), Keeley Hawes (dribble), Gemma Jones (she's a right proper duchess that one), and, of course, every old man's favourite knicker-waver Jenny Agutter. (Oh, and that old bloke who fiddled around with gadgets and has had no sexual affect on me at all over the last forty years.)
When even Primary schoolteachers are blowing us up we obviously need more than 4 people manning the CCTV cameras but we do seem to have a recruitment problem. All the kids are too busy shouting at each and getting their sister's pregnant on wall-to-wall soaps, so lack the gravitas for walking along the Embankment in a trench coat.
The oldies are either killing people in walk-on parts in Midsomer Norton or have donated what's left of their careers to a hospital in Bristol; and those in the middle are busy working in counter espionage in glossy American shows that never actually see the light of day (Anna Friel even.)
Still, here's recruitment wish-list:
Tim Roth, John Simm and James McEvoy.
Jaime Murray, Jodhi May and Louise Delamere.
Your country needs you.
Of course, when the Tories come to power and cut a swathe through public services we'll actually have to call it "in praise of...fewer good men."
Or Spook.
.
Our nation salutes you.
And let's spend a few seconds paying our respects to those who have already laid down their careers in our service (even if a couple did go rogue when ratings were flagging and we needed a convoluted plot-twist double-header guessing who hadn't finished haggling about their next contract)
Lisa Faulkner (who set the template), Keeley Hawes (dribble), Gemma Jones (she's a right proper duchess that one), and, of course, every old man's favourite knicker-waver Jenny Agutter. (Oh, and that old bloke who fiddled around with gadgets and has had no sexual affect on me at all over the last forty years.)
When even Primary schoolteachers are blowing us up we obviously need more than 4 people manning the CCTV cameras but we do seem to have a recruitment problem. All the kids are too busy shouting at each and getting their sister's pregnant on wall-to-wall soaps, so lack the gravitas for walking along the Embankment in a trench coat.
The oldies are either killing people in walk-on parts in Midsomer Norton or have donated what's left of their careers to a hospital in Bristol; and those in the middle are busy working in counter espionage in glossy American shows that never actually see the light of day (Anna Friel even.)
Still, here's recruitment wish-list:
Tim Roth, John Simm and James McEvoy.
Jaime Murray, Jodhi May and Louise Delamere.
Your country needs you.
Of course, when the Tories come to power and cut a swathe through public services we'll actually have to call it "in praise of...fewer good men."
Or Spook.
.
Spooks (3rd Dec 2009)
Because as the great Colonel Nathan R Jessep said to the cocky young shit in the faggoty white uniform:
"You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me on that wall...you NEED me on that wall."
"We use words like "honour", "code", "loyalty". We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it."
"I would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand the post. Either way I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."
.
"You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me on that wall...you NEED me on that wall."
"We use words like "honour", "code", "loyalty". We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it."
"I would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand the post. Either way I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."
.
Cryptic crosswords
I love the fact that you don't need to finish them to enjoy them (just as well in my case), and sometimes just one individual clue can be a marvellously satisfying or elegant puzzle in its own right. Here's a clue from the Guardian yesterday that isn't diifficult but is enjoyable as its own little riddle:
Now in the cinema: it features horsemen (10)
.
Now in the cinema: it features horsemen (10)
.
Shifnal's Christmas Lights (1st Dec 2009)
There's very little reason for anyone to ever drive through Shifnal, let alone stay here, so for the one-street town to make such a fuss over their lights is quite endearing.
They don't quite match the elegance of Sorrento's it's true - but frankly they are better than Regent Street's this year!
.
They don't quite match the elegance of Sorrento's it's true - but frankly they are better than Regent Street's this year!
.
Creamy horseradish sauce
With roast rib-eye beef, roasted baby carrots and shallots, parmesan parsnips, creamedy baked celeriac, roast tats and yorkshire pudding.
This would have been in praise of yorkshire puddings had Anne not cocked them up....!
.
This would have been in praise of yorkshire puddings had Anne not cocked them up....!
.
Denman (29th Nov 2009)
Because I thought it was pretty impossible first time round, but to do it again two years later off a much higher rating in what looked a better race was one of those sporting moments you put up with wall-to-wall dross for; because I thought the bold, tough, resolute Denman who "pounded" Kauto Star in the Gold Cup two years go was dead when he fall at Aintree last year and such horses, in racing parlance, 'never come back'.
Because he's one of the very few horses I've become attached to even though he's never won me thousands of pounds, and yesterday I was cheering him all down the home straight as though I was going to land a life-changing treble but actually hadn't even had a bet; because thousands of small-time punters yesterday made money out of their love bets (and hopefully one of them will be along to tell us about it); because it's a rare horse in these days that can get anyone to give two hoots about them (witness Sea The Stars).
Because now racing fans can spend the next three and a half months arguing about and looking forward to the next instalment of Kauto Star v The Tank with a warm glow all winter and fingers firmly crossed; because those two great horses actually stand in adjacent boxes in the same yard; because Ruby Walsh (who probably made the difference between winning and losing yesterday) is going to have one hell of a decision on which one to ride; and because Anne, who wandered in to see what the fuss was about and ended up cheering him on, turned to me at the end of the race and said she thought the second horse had come alongside Denman but then deferred to him as pack leader, which is the first time she's ever engaged in a horse race in my punting lifetime, and is in itself a pretty interesting piece of race-reading.
.
Because he's one of the very few horses I've become attached to even though he's never won me thousands of pounds, and yesterday I was cheering him all down the home straight as though I was going to land a life-changing treble but actually hadn't even had a bet; because thousands of small-time punters yesterday made money out of their love bets (and hopefully one of them will be along to tell us about it); because it's a rare horse in these days that can get anyone to give two hoots about them (witness Sea The Stars).
Because now racing fans can spend the next three and a half months arguing about and looking forward to the next instalment of Kauto Star v The Tank with a warm glow all winter and fingers firmly crossed; because those two great horses actually stand in adjacent boxes in the same yard; because Ruby Walsh (who probably made the difference between winning and losing yesterday) is going to have one hell of a decision on which one to ride; and because Anne, who wandered in to see what the fuss was about and ended up cheering him on, turned to me at the end of the race and said she thought the second horse had come alongside Denman but then deferred to him as pack leader, which is the first time she's ever engaged in a horse race in my punting lifetime, and is in itself a pretty interesting piece of race-reading.
.
Long Lunches (28th Nov 2009)
Chinatown as good a place as any (cripsy belly pork at the Fung Shing), drunken arguing with old friends over anything that comes to mind.
Too hungover to expound further - think it was the half bottle of red on the train home...
.
Too hungover to expound further - think it was the half bottle of red on the train home...
.
Low Winter Sun
Although certain Premiership footballers have been wearing gloves for months, yesterday was the first cold day of winter up here. With a fierce wind.
And a low winter sun, flooding my head with light. I rearranged my walk to avoid King Charles Wood and so got a full two hours of it - better than a light-box, or a tanning salon, plus you don't go orange...
There's another one today, get out for a few minutes and put two fingers up to SAD...me, I'm off to London to get drunk, which should achieve much the same.
.
And a low winter sun, flooding my head with light. I rearranged my walk to avoid King Charles Wood and so got a full two hours of it - better than a light-box, or a tanning salon, plus you don't go orange...
There's another one today, get out for a few minutes and put two fingers up to SAD...me, I'm off to London to get drunk, which should achieve much the same.
.
Grey Squirrels (26th Nov 2009)
What is going on here? Anne's dad froths at the mouth at the very mention of them and spends his day devising ever more Heath Robinsonesque contraptions to garrison the bird-table; Daryl's dad drowns them in a water butt; and even the local vicar has just poisoned them on his patch.
But what harm do they do exactly? It's not as if there are any red squirrels around here anyway. And, most annoyingly of all, if they were red squirrels said people would be oohing and aaahing, getting their cameras out, and posting shots to the One Show, Countryfile and Autumnwatch.
"red squirrel good: grey squirrel bad"
Cobblers.
.
But what harm do they do exactly? It's not as if there are any red squirrels around here anyway. And, most annoyingly of all, if they were red squirrels said people would be oohing and aaahing, getting their cameras out, and posting shots to the One Show, Countryfile and Autumnwatch.
"red squirrel good: grey squirrel bad"
Cobblers.
.
Dogs (25th Nov 2009)
I think it was Matt Biondi who, having failed miserably to win the number of gold medals predicted for him by an hysterical American media, said "Oh well, my dog will still lick my face in the morning".
Yesterday, having just fucked up on a football bet enough to wreck a week's hard work, Bobby wandered over and effectively said "Oh dear, never mind old chap, now what's for me tea..."
We could all do with such sunny outlooks: Getting up and having a pee - 'best part of day'; walking to newsagents, barking at cars - ' best part of day'; brekkie weetabix and egg - 'best part of day'; eating horse pooh -'best part of day'; chasing pheasants - 'best part of day'; sniffing Millie the one-eyed husky's bum - 'best part of day'; spreading mud all over sofa 'best part of day'; Anne coming home - 'best part of day'; half a ton of kibble and tripe in jelly - 'best part of day'; helping Anne load dishwasher - 'best part of day'; keeling over at 9pm sharp for an 11 hour snoozathon chasing rabbits - 'best part of day'....
.
Yesterday, having just fucked up on a football bet enough to wreck a week's hard work, Bobby wandered over and effectively said "Oh dear, never mind old chap, now what's for me tea..."
We could all do with such sunny outlooks: Getting up and having a pee - 'best part of day'; walking to newsagents, barking at cars - ' best part of day'; brekkie weetabix and egg - 'best part of day'; eating horse pooh -'best part of day'; chasing pheasants - 'best part of day'; sniffing Millie the one-eyed husky's bum - 'best part of day'; spreading mud all over sofa 'best part of day'; Anne coming home - 'best part of day'; half a ton of kibble and tripe in jelly - 'best part of day'; helping Anne load dishwasher - 'best part of day'; keeling over at 9pm sharp for an 11 hour snoozathon chasing rabbits - 'best part of day'....
.
Victoria Coren (24th Nov 2009)
(Sorry Karin, I had a dull day yesterday so have had to dip into my archives...).
What's not to like about a bright girl in a brighter dufflecoat solving etymological puzzles for the OED before tottering off for an all-night poker game? Surely the perfect woman ? Fair enough, I doubt she can make a great beetroot chutney, but she's made a million dollars playing poker for crissakes.
Her book "For Richer For Poorer" is not only the best book about poker ever written (sorry Mr Alvarez), but also one of the only autobiographies I've actually managed to read. And in one sitting. Great Christmas present for anyone remotely interested in gambling...
I like Giles as well, so perhaps I should really be praising the late Alan Coren and wife..
.
What's not to like about a bright girl in a brighter dufflecoat solving etymological puzzles for the OED before tottering off for an all-night poker game? Surely the perfect woman ? Fair enough, I doubt she can make a great beetroot chutney, but she's made a million dollars playing poker for crissakes.
Her book "For Richer For Poorer" is not only the best book about poker ever written (sorry Mr Alvarez), but also one of the only autobiographies I've actually managed to read. And in one sitting. Great Christmas present for anyone remotely interested in gambling...
I like Giles as well, so perhaps I should really be praising the late Alan Coren and wife..
.
Watching Other People Run (23rd Nov 2009)
We were walking down the Wrekin yesterday when we came upon a fell race (8 miles and up the Wrekin about 6 different ways including up the goat path which brings me out in a fever just looking at it).
It was very uplifting. We joined the race over halfway through. The leader came through turbo-charged and the second placed runner billy whizzed past a couple of minutes later. And then five minutes later came about 20 people taking it far too seriously considering just how far they were behind the two leaders.
But then came the bulge of mud-spattered, rain-soaked, infantrymen slipping and sliding their tear-sodden way round. My spirits were lifting by the second. And then came the broken, the limpers, the walkers, the frankly too fat to be doing this kind of thing. With what unbridled joy did we shout our encouragements.
It was with something akin to euphoria that we came home and settled down in front of the fire with a nice cup of coffee and large slice of homemade apple cake and bathed in the glow and righteousness of a run lived vicariously...
.
It was very uplifting. We joined the race over halfway through. The leader came through turbo-charged and the second placed runner billy whizzed past a couple of minutes later. And then five minutes later came about 20 people taking it far too seriously considering just how far they were behind the two leaders.
But then came the bulge of mud-spattered, rain-soaked, infantrymen slipping and sliding their tear-sodden way round. My spirits were lifting by the second. And then came the broken, the limpers, the walkers, the frankly too fat to be doing this kind of thing. With what unbridled joy did we shout our encouragements.
It was with something akin to euphoria that we came home and settled down in front of the fire with a nice cup of coffee and large slice of homemade apple cake and bathed in the glow and righteousness of a run lived vicariously...
.
Saturday Night is Starters Night
For a couple of years now, when not out on a Saturday night (!), we cook a selection of starters instead of normal dinner. Last night we surpassed previous culinary heights with this lip-smacking three-play.
1. Deep fried salt and pepper squid with chilli
2. Deep fried spicy chicken wings with mango salsa
3. Beef napoleon - Vietnamese spicy rare steak, sliced and served in lettuce leaves with mint, nuts, crispy shallots blah, blah, blah, and dipping sauce.
Fully recommended.
.
1. Deep fried salt and pepper squid with chilli
2. Deep fried spicy chicken wings with mango salsa
3. Beef napoleon - Vietnamese spicy rare steak, sliced and served in lettuce leaves with mint, nuts, crispy shallots blah, blah, blah, and dipping sauce.
Fully recommended.
.
The International Space Station
Which crept up on me at 16:53 yesterday, sliding silently over an empty twilight sky apart from a couple of clouds, a quarter moon and Saturn (probably). She gave me a full five minute fly-by, and I swear I could see the shape of the shuttle, which is currently docked (probably not).
Always gives me a lift thinking about a few astronauts whizzing round the planet, near hourly, in a tin-can. And though part of me is thinking about how far away they are and how impossible that is, the other half is thinking how close the station actually is to earth, hugging us like Australians to their coastline...
Oh, and you have to wave.
.
Always gives me a lift thinking about a few astronauts whizzing round the planet, near hourly, in a tin-can. And though part of me is thinking about how far away they are and how impossible that is, the other half is thinking how close the station actually is to earth, hugging us like Australians to their coastline...
Oh, and you have to wave.
.
Footballs in the stream
On my walk yesterday I came upon a fully-inflated football washed up on the riverbank behind the sewage works (more picturesque than it sounds). Time to show the dog a few of the old moves I thought.
After I'd fallen over a couple of times I decided to leave the dribbling to him (this being one of three things he's good at, the others being peculiarly tight involuntary farts and eating pooh - these two possibly being connected). So we played football for the two miles home, singing Dolly Parton songs, before booting the ball back into the river at the playground whence it had probably just come.
The circle of life indeed..
After I'd fallen over a couple of times I decided to leave the dribbling to him (this being one of three things he's good at, the others being peculiarly tight involuntary farts and eating pooh - these two possibly being connected). So we played football for the two miles home, singing Dolly Parton songs, before booting the ball back into the river at the playground whence it had probably just come.
The circle of life indeed..
Scalextric (19th Nov 2009)
Or, more accurately, the re-creation of the 2.75m Brooklands race circuit, along the original route by James May and friends.
I don't have fond memories of scalextric as a kid.
1. I didn't actually own a set. I had that cheap yellow stuff (called?) and marbles instead of cars.
2. When I went to play with friends' sets I'd spend all my time crashing whilst they whizzed round and round like 'my perfect cousin'. This is much the same as playing Mario Kart nowadays with any 10 year old. Or Slim.
Still, a 2.75 mile track, going over water, through a sewage pipe, over a fence, through an estate, into an office building and up its stairs. Genius.
I suppose strictly speaking this should have been in praise of James May, but that would just be silly.
.
I don't have fond memories of scalextric as a kid.
1. I didn't actually own a set. I had that cheap yellow stuff (called?) and marbles instead of cars.
2. When I went to play with friends' sets I'd spend all my time crashing whilst they whizzed round and round like 'my perfect cousin'. This is much the same as playing Mario Kart nowadays with any 10 year old. Or Slim.
Still, a 2.75 mile track, going over water, through a sewage pipe, over a fence, through an estate, into an office building and up its stairs. Genius.
I suppose strictly speaking this should have been in praise of James May, but that would just be silly.
.
Clouds (18th Nov 2009)
Particularly cumulus clouds sliding across the sky on a windy day. Firstly, on a nice long walk under a big sky. And then with a cup of coffee and slice of cake whilst snoozing in the conservatory (not a sentence I've ever imagined myself writing).
Perfect free entertainment. Best enjoyed when everyone else is at work...
.
Perfect free entertainment. Best enjoyed when everyone else is at work...
.
People Falling Over
Still the funniest thing imaginable, even if it was me this time, tumbling halfway down Brown Clee in a strange slow motion slide, leaving me with a pulled muscle in my bum and Anne with a pain in her side...
.
.
Ray Mears (16th Nov 2009)
Apparently I went to school with Ray, though I have no recollection of it. He was probably bivouacking under the Friends Meeting House, and it certainly casts new light on the arson problem we had in the 6th Form.
Anyway, it's a long way from Reigate to what he does now. His programmes on the making of the birch bark canoe and on the Heroes of Telemark are two of my favourite documentaries, and last night he made snow shoes for crissakes. What more can a man want after his roast pork and Lindsay Duncan saving the world (I had plenty of choices this morning).
Of course the real reason for praising him is his approach to survival.
Eat, eat, eat, eat and move very slowly. I've seen Pottos in London Zoo with more hurry-sickness.
.
Anyway, it's a long way from Reigate to what he does now. His programmes on the making of the birch bark canoe and on the Heroes of Telemark are two of my favourite documentaries, and last night he made snow shoes for crissakes. What more can a man want after his roast pork and Lindsay Duncan saving the world (I had plenty of choices this morning).
Of course the real reason for praising him is his approach to survival.
Eat, eat, eat, eat and move very slowly. I've seen Pottos in London Zoo with more hurry-sickness.
.
Mackeson/Murphy/Thomas Pink/Paddy Power Gold Cup
And I may have missed out a few sponsors.
Every year it heralds the start of winter hibernation, where life as we know it slows to a hedgehog's winter heartbeat and even Lucy Mangan puts on the central heating. But racing fans have the red glow of hope to keep them warm through the winter as they squirrel away pile after pile of fat juicy antepost vouchers for the great Spring thaw that is the Cheltenham Festival. Pistolet Noir wouldn't be the worst place to start your collection I'd suggest...
Of course the other rite of Spring happens on the second Tuesday of March, just after the Supreme Novices, the Arkle and the Champion Hurdle, when your pile of life-changing winter vouchers are offered up in sacrifice to the great gambling gods of Cleeve Hill.
They hate dreamers...
.
Every year it heralds the start of winter hibernation, where life as we know it slows to a hedgehog's winter heartbeat and even Lucy Mangan puts on the central heating. But racing fans have the red glow of hope to keep them warm through the winter as they squirrel away pile after pile of fat juicy antepost vouchers for the great Spring thaw that is the Cheltenham Festival. Pistolet Noir wouldn't be the worst place to start your collection I'd suggest...
Of course the other rite of Spring happens on the second Tuesday of March, just after the Supreme Novices, the Arkle and the Champion Hurdle, when your pile of life-changing winter vouchers are offered up in sacrifice to the great gambling gods of Cleeve Hill.
They hate dreamers...
.
Cheddar Cheese (14th Nov 2009)
It must have been a quiet Friday if that was my highlight, but still, how underrated is this stuff. The cheap lardy-arse stuff makes great cheese sauces and perfect topping for baking, or grilling, or smothering with whatever pickle you've got if you're unlucky enough not to have any of Anne's beetroot pickle (I'd go for Brindjal if that's the case). And the good stuff is as good as any hard cheese in the world. Last night Waitrose's Davidstow mature was blooming scrummy.
Although it says it's from Cornwall on the package and as we all know it's only authentic cheddar if it's been dug out of the gorge. Bridgnorth do their own cave-aged cheddar, which whilst very tasty also fails the authenticity test, plus if they mine any more of it I fear Bridgnorth may fall into the Severn...
.
Although it says it's from Cornwall on the package and as we all know it's only authentic cheddar if it's been dug out of the gorge. Bridgnorth do their own cave-aged cheddar, which whilst very tasty also fails the authenticity test, plus if they mine any more of it I fear Bridgnorth may fall into the Severn...
.
Bristol
Or, more accurately, the warm glow we've got over the last 15 years from watching bad TV programmes based in Bristol - eg Casualty, Skins, Afterlife and last night's awful Restaurant.
"Ooh look St Nick's market/Baldwin Street/Suspension Bridge/Stokes Croft/Hotwells/Whiteladies Road/that new shopping centre thingummyjig." Or that shot every documentary maker does of Park Street from the bottom that is actually pretty dramatic in real life but always looks flat and boring on TV.
Or last night's, "Blimey Howard's has closed?!"
.
"Ooh look St Nick's market/Baldwin Street/Suspension Bridge/Stokes Croft/Hotwells/Whiteladies Road/that new shopping centre thingummyjig." Or that shot every documentary maker does of Park Street from the bottom that is actually pretty dramatic in real life but always looks flat and boring on TV.
Or last night's, "Blimey Howard's has closed?!"
.
Rafael Nadal (12th Nov 2009)
Yesterday he could hardly have played worse tennis. It could easily have been his worst game on tour (32 unforced errors in two sets). And then facing 3 match points he suddenly finds his game, before saving another two for show, and then breaking Almagro into tiny little pieces never to be put back together again, just for the fun of it.
I'll never get tired of watching great sportsman simply refusing to lose...
Particularly when I've backed the buggers...
.
I'll never get tired of watching great sportsman simply refusing to lose...
Particularly when I've backed the buggers...
.
The Shifnal Pathfinders (11th Nov 2009)
A bunch of retired gents who give up every Tuesday morning to mend stiles, clear footpaths and generally stand around chatting and drinking thermos flask coffee. Good job. Well done.
Obviously I'd join them, but you know I did my back in when I did that grouting...
.
Obviously I'd join them, but you know I did my back in when I did that grouting...
.
Dan Lepard (10th Nov 2009)
The man who taught me the secrets of making bread...
1. It's time not kneading that's the key.
2. Use oil rather than flour for hands and surface when working the dough.
Get one of his books for Christmas (The Handmade Loaf), or for those of you with more money than sense go on one of his courses.... and bingo, sourdough for the new year!
And of course really I'm praising the freshly baked loaf and butter...
.
1. It's time not kneading that's the key.
2. Use oil rather than flour for hands and surface when working the dough.
Get one of his books for Christmas (The Handmade Loaf), or for those of you with more money than sense go on one of his courses.... and bingo, sourdough for the new year!
And of course really I'm praising the freshly baked loaf and butter...
.
The Shropshire Hills (9th Nov 2009)
They have at least 75% of the grandeur of the Lakes, and about 1% of the visitors.
PS - please don't tell anybody...
I think Shropshire's greatest slice of luck was having Houseman as its chief promoter. Anyone forced to study A Shropshire Lad at school is hardly going to head to Church Stretton for half term.
God forbid that anyone should Wordsworth or Wainwright it.
A Short Walk in the Shropshire Hills
It's hard for me to wax
Poetic on the views,
When I spent the whole six
Hours staring at my shoes.
.
PS - please don't tell anybody...
I think Shropshire's greatest slice of luck was having Houseman as its chief promoter. Anyone forced to study A Shropshire Lad at school is hardly going to head to Church Stretton for half term.
God forbid that anyone should Wordsworth or Wainwright it.
A Short Walk in the Shropshire Hills
It's hard for me to wax
Poetic on the views,
When I spent the whole six
Hours staring at my shoes.
.
Quizzer and Chips (8th Nov 2009)
The quiz team cobbled together to attempt to take the Wrekin College quiz and fish supper by storm last night.
I'm not praising the team mind, we were hopeless. But what a great name from Anne. Gutted that didn't win a prize - and surely all similar events will be called that hereafter...
.
I'm not praising the team mind, we were hopeless. But what a great name from Anne. Gutted that didn't win a prize - and surely all similar events will be called that hereafter...
.
Virgin Trains (7th Nov 2009)
Controversial. Especially having slogged to and from Stockport for what seemed like half my life for half my salary in the nineties.
And given that they nearly put out of business their Welsh rivals (who run a lovely old-fashioned service at sadly entirely inapproapriate times - due to Virgin hogging the line).
However, this week, as an effectively retired bum, I was able to get from deepest Shropshire to London and back for 15 squid.
And sit in a Quiet zone, sans mobile fucking phones, sans shaken-up kaleidoscope, i-podge, jangly, tin-wank dance tunes, and sans feral tykes stretching embarrassed slummy-mummies to their limit. Indeed I travelled home on Friday in a carriage entirely my own. Which is frankly how I like the world.
.
And given that they nearly put out of business their Welsh rivals (who run a lovely old-fashioned service at sadly entirely inapproapriate times - due to Virgin hogging the line).
However, this week, as an effectively retired bum, I was able to get from deepest Shropshire to London and back for 15 squid.
And sit in a Quiet zone, sans mobile fucking phones, sans shaken-up kaleidoscope, i-podge, jangly, tin-wank dance tunes, and sans feral tykes stretching embarrassed slummy-mummies to their limit. Indeed I travelled home on Friday in a carriage entirely my own. Which is frankly how I like the world.
.
The scramble crossing - Oxford Circus (6th Nov 2009)
What a massive improvement - practical and fun.
Tooting Broadway could really do with one of these.
Shifnal can probably live without.
.
Tooting Broadway could really do with one of these.
Shifnal can probably live without.
.
Old London Boozers (5th Nov 2009)
No, not brain-addled journalists, nor stately homos of soho town, not even my Dad's family, but the old haunts I'm looking forward to re-visiting tonight. Plus Slim's taking me to Giles Coren's favourite pub, presumably because he doesn't know which one is Victoria's favourite.
.
.
The Moon (4th Nov 2009)
She gave us a terrific hunter's moon last night.
"A touch of cold in the Autumn night -
I walked abroad,
And saw the ruddy moon leaning over a hedge
Like a red-faced farmer.
I did not stop to speak, but nodded,
And round about were the wistful stars
With white faces like town children."
(T.E.Hulme)
.
"A touch of cold in the Autumn night -
I walked abroad,
And saw the ruddy moon leaning over a hedge
Like a red-faced farmer.
I did not stop to speak, but nodded,
And round about were the wistful stars
With white faces like town children."
(T.E.Hulme)
.
The Audience at Wenlock Edge Arts Centre (3rd Nov 2009)
They gave "The Damned Utd" a hearty round of applause last night. (I'll save Timothy Spall and Brian Clough for later praise!).
I'm particularly fond of the two women (possibly teachers) who sit in the same seats in the middle of the back row every week and tuck into their tinfoil-wrapped sarnies.
They remind me of the old couple who used to sit the row behind me at the Cottage with a blanket over their knees and a thermos and cakes for half-time.
I can only recall two other cinema-based outbursts of spontaneous applause.
1. Some Ken Loach Spanish Civil War premiere - which the old combatants themselves seemed to like - damned near woke me up with their enthusiasm.
2. The first ever showing of "Creature Comforts" at the Waterside's Animation Festival.
.
I'm particularly fond of the two women (possibly teachers) who sit in the same seats in the middle of the back row every week and tuck into their tinfoil-wrapped sarnies.
They remind me of the old couple who used to sit the row behind me at the Cottage with a blanket over their knees and a thermos and cakes for half-time.
I can only recall two other cinema-based outbursts of spontaneous applause.
1. Some Ken Loach Spanish Civil War premiere - which the old combatants themselves seemed to like - damned near woke me up with their enthusiasm.
2. The first ever showing of "Creature Comforts" at the Waterside's Animation Festival.
.
Apple sauce
Take an apple, core it, peel it, chop it, cook it in a pan for twenty minutes, serve with a slab of pork.
.
.
Paula Radcliffe (1st November 2009)
Because she's like a jumps horse (say Mon Mome), who gets beaten up most its life by quicker horses, before, relatively late in life, finding a distance so gruelling all the speedsters haven't the guts to compete; because she looks in total pain every step of the way, and looks like she turned up without her kit and had to borrow someone else's; because she happily craps on the side of the road; because she once lapped Anne in a 5k race round Hyde Park; because she wins when I back her and loses when I don't; and because she's the greatest distance runner we've ever had, but will feel empty all her life for not winning the one medal she really wanted - a true British champion...
Go, girl.
.
Go, girl.
.
How I Met Your Mother (31st October 2009)
OK, so it may not be very cool, it may not be very cutting, and indeed it may not be very comedic, but it is a damned likeable little show.
.
.
Buzzards (30 October 2009)
We have one currently hunting from the top of the tree in our garden and frankly, it's a damn privilege. They maybe dime a dozen in Shropshire (and what a great advertisement for modern farming that is) but I can't get enough of them.
Introduction
I moved to Shropshire from Tooting a couple of years ago, and what with flooding and all, the move has not been without it's problems.
However, I always count my blessings and one day decided I'd post a daily blessing onto Facebook. The post would be "in praise of" something that I'd enjoyed, or that had enriched my life, the day before. The idea was that after a year I'd have 365 "blessings" I could look at when I needed a tonic. And hopefully provide some entertainment to others along the way - we really are a nation of whingers and (unusually for me) I thought I'd join the other side and spread some love!
The challenge is that my daily life is very routine. I gamble, walk the dog, eat and drink, and watch TV. That's about it.
Some of my friends have suggested I do these as a blog, and as they seem to be disappearing off the bottom of Facebook that's what I'll do.
However, I always count my blessings and one day decided I'd post a daily blessing onto Facebook. The post would be "in praise of" something that I'd enjoyed, or that had enriched my life, the day before. The idea was that after a year I'd have 365 "blessings" I could look at when I needed a tonic. And hopefully provide some entertainment to others along the way - we really are a nation of whingers and (unusually for me) I thought I'd join the other side and spread some love!
The challenge is that my daily life is very routine. I gamble, walk the dog, eat and drink, and watch TV. That's about it.
Some of my friends have suggested I do these as a blog, and as they seem to be disappearing off the bottom of Facebook that's what I'll do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
